


things get damaged, things get broken

by WhatTheWentz



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Episode: s02e12 You Are Not Your Own, Extended Scene, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Spoilers, Trauma, i may or may not have cried writing this, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 13:48:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11186409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatTheWentz/pseuds/WhatTheWentz
Summary: Follow up to the final Malec scene of 2x12;Magnus is broken and Alec is guilty.





	things get damaged, things get broken

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, so I wrote this in like half an hour as a catharsis for malec since that final scene just felt... incomplete?
> 
> like seriously, climon/clabastian get unnecessary screen time when malec comfort/discussions and magnus' trauma following being brutally tortured and nearly murdered is tossed to the side.
> 
> also the title is from Depeche Mode's song 'Precious' (listen to it [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yn3ViE6mhY) because it's a really great song)

_ Tell me what to do, please. _

 

The silence between them was growing uncomfortable but despite the urge to, neither one could find it within them to speak.  It was as if there was a wall separating them, or like they were both drowning.

 

Alec was swimming with guilt.  Magnus had begged --  _ begged --  _ him to see him past the visage of the murderous psychopath Valentine to see him trapped inside.  Unfortunately, Alec’s inability to trust and hammered in hatred of the monster whom the warlock was unwillingly wearing the face of had caused him to be deaf to Magnus’ pleas.

 

His boyfriend, the love of his life, had been tortured mercilessly and nearly killed because Alec hadn’t recognised him.  It killed Alec to even look at Magnus, who looked as if he was reliving every bad memory he had ever experienced in his long life all in one go.

 

The warlock was trembling, visibly attempting to hold back tears and fight what was probably countless years of trauma from bubbling to the surface and consuming him.

 

“You should go.” Magnus finally spoke, his voice choked.

 

Alec shook his head, “I’m not leaving you.  Not like this.”

 

Tentatively, he reached out to take his boyfriend’s shaking hands between his, but instantly let go when the other man jumped.

 

Magnus was  _ afraid  _ of him, he noted.

  
He didn’t blame him; whilst refusing to believe Valentine was really Magnus, he had done awful things.  Threatened him, shouted, hurt him in inconceivable ways.

 

Alec hated himself for that.  He should’ve realised, should’ve seen  _ his  _ warlock’s spark somewhere in the darkness that was Valentine.  He should’ve known.

 

“I’m sorry.” he mumbled, knowing he was beginning to sound like a broken record with apologies.

 

Just seeing Magnus in this state was enough to bring tears to the Shadowhunter’s eyes, but the warlock’s next words were what caused them to finally spill down his cheeks, “Centuries of pain, pain I tried to keep buried… you not seeing me, the torture, it was enough to bring it all crashing back.”

 

“Magnus…” Alec ached to touch him, but even just moving caused him to flinch, “Please… just tell me how to make this right.  I love you so much and I would  _ never  _ hurt you.”

 

Magnus retorted, “But you did.”   
  


“I didn’t know.  A-And I know that's not an excuse b-but--” the Shadowhunter’s voice broke, _“I’m so sorry._  If I could take it back…”

Magnus stated, “But you can’t.  What’s done is done.”

  
Alec conceded and shakily got to his feet, “If you want me to go--”   
  


“Please don’t.” Magnus suddenly interjected, “What happened… it was-- I just… Alexander, I just don’t think I can be alone right now.  Stay with me.”

 

Instantly, Alec moved to sit back down and promised, “I’ll stay as long as you need.”

 

“Does forever work for you?” Magnus knew it was cliched, but at the moment he didn’t care.

 

Alec managed a small smile at that crack at humour, a smile which faded after a quick second, “Are you going to be--” he broke off, knowing it was a stupid question.

 

“You are so sweet, Alexander.” Magnus said, his voice still thick with tears, “At the risk of sounding like a nuisance, c-can you just hold me for a while?”

 

Alec replied, “Of course.  Anything you need.” he moved so that they were both lying atop of the sofa, Magnus’ head resting on his chest, "And you're not being a nuisance.  I'm here for you, and if you need me to hold you, I will."

 

“Thank you.” the warlock settled into the embrace, feeling slightly soothed by the hand that trailed up his back but knowing that his ordeal was far from over.

 

Alec pressed his lips to the top of Magnus’ head and mumbled, “I love you,” as softly as possible.

 

“I love you too.” Magnus replied, sounding extremely distant.

 

Alec knew he couldn’t even begin to comprehend what his boyfriend was going through so didn’t press him, simply held him, just like he had asked.  He could feel tears wetting his shirt and he couldn’t help but think about how he could’ve prevented this.

 

If only he had realised.

 

Minutes later, Magnus had fallen asleep and Alec didn’t blame him.  He had been through hell and although he still had much left to deal with, he deserved this little reprieve.  He deserved better.

 

“I love you.” Alec whispered again, this time hoping that anyone that dared threaten or hurt Magnus was hearing; he _dared_ them to try, for they would face his wrath.

 

He had almost lost him again and this time, he hadn’t come out as unscathed like he had during Valentine’s massacre.  He was broken, traumatised and Alec didn’t know what to do to make it all better.

 

So instead, he opted to simply stay there with him, trailing a hand up and down his back and attempting to will his pain away, offering to take it on himself.  He would; he would bear the brunt of all of his agony just to see Magnus happy again.

 

Eventually, Alec felt his own exhaustion catch up to him and shuffled so Magnus was more comfortable before drifting off with him.

**Author's Note:**

> What did you guys think of the episode?
> 
> Kudos/reviews are always appreciated btw:)
> 
> [follow my tumblr](http://legendsofgaymorrow.tumblr.com)   
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